Friday, December 31, 2010

In which the ingenious hidalgo escapes again and, in a battle without the hope of victory, triumphs.


The fuming volcano Popocatépetl and his sadly deceased dulcinea Iztaccihuatl both wore sombreros today on this glorious day that marks the closing of the cycle 2010; as did I. My forgetful squire Sancho Panza, on the other hand, left his in town, leaving his great bulbous head scorched by the searing Winter sun.

I, the ingenious hidalgo don Quixote de la Mancha, set out secretly on foot before dawn, unseen and unheard by the sleeping don Tomás who would rather have me burning books than defending los campos of Tepetlixpa. Suprisingly, Sancho was already awake when I arrived at his door, and had already in fact saddled his burro and groomed my beautiful steed Rocinante. "¿And what of our companion noble Fidencio who pledged upon his honor to join us in our daring march to el Cedro, where we shall surely encounter adventure, danger, and amorous maidens while we topple these giant cornstalks and castrate their seed?"

"Sleeping, sire. ¿Shall I go to wake him?"

"¡No! Though it only increases the risk of our day, we shall continue without him. If he follows, we will delight in his company but his laziness, stolen from you I suppose (making him not only a sloth but a theif), has already diminished his reward and the esteem with which I hold him." And with that I set Rocinante off on a brisk trot that suprised me so that I nearly fell. "¡Sancho!" I cried, "¿What Devil has thus posessed this nag such that it no longer responds to my command? ¡Whoa! ¡Whoa!"

With Rocinante only increasing in speed I glanced back in fright to see Sancho's bowed legs flopping wildly on either side of his burro's flank while his hands urged the ignoble beast onward. With both animals huffing and puffing, he finally caught up and calmed my frightened mare. "Pull the reins, sire. ¿Have you forgotten how to ride a horse?"

A half an hour later we crested the hill to see below the amber waves of el Cedro. From our point of vantage we could also see Fidencio trailing behind and behind him the star-crossed and sombrero-bearing lovers Popo and Izta watching over the valley. We dismounted.

All day long we slew the stalks and shucked their treasure, filling burlap sack after sack with the beautiful blue, gold, and white grain. Several hours into the pixca I heard Sancho's stomach let out a lion's roar and I, too, felt a pang of hunger. But on this day I learned yet another lesson of el campo: never hang your satchel within reach of the burro.

"¡Pinche burro!" shouted Sancho in vain. "May your mangy hide, filled with our tamales, itch and itch so that you repent what you have done." Though angry as I was at the burro, it delighted me to see Sancho cringe at the taste of his own medicine.

This being the third subsequent day of labor, the end was in sight. The last ear of maize was in my hand when we heard a rumble. From the path whence we came there burst a machine more fearful than any knight I have ever defeated in battle. My lance missing, I ripped a cornstalk from the earth and mounted Rocinante, ready to counter whatever force the metal menace had. Rocinante and I charged in one direction, Sancho and the burro retreated in the other; the rumble ceased. From the bowels of the beast stepped forth the man from whom I had ecaped that very morning.

"Don Quixote de la Mancha, you gave me a fright. I have been looking for you all day," said don Tomás as he extended his hand in greeting. "It is well past mid-day and you must be starving. Come, eat with me and then we shall return." And with this he spread a cloth on the earth and began to remove delicious food from the bag he carried: beans with nopal, a can of chiles, a stack of tortillas, and... ¡pulque!

I forgot whatever grudge I had, tore a husk from the corn for my cup and a leaf from the stalk for my spoon, and tried to calm my ravenous appetite.

I am now returned as a captive in this castle, but now with a full belly.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

El Cacomixtle


"I may not be a civet, but my stomach still ferments the coffee beans I eat and my poop is worth a pretty peso."
-El Cacomixtle

Saturday, December 25, 2010

No Sleep

At first it was great. Despite my inability to sleep, I would rise feeling perfectly rested. I could lie supine in imitation of this holy rite & after only several minutes start up refreshed and ready to take up the pursuit of my choice. Unaccustomed to this new liberty from Slumber's shackles, I passed the first night itinerant in aimless and haphazard wanderings. Soon, however, I began to use these extra hours productively: I independently invented calculus and devised a feasible model for a helicopter-prototype.

But gift horses seldom come with pearly-whites and often they have fangs concealed behind their freakish chops. For although after several days the entire household had adopted my happily insomniacal behaviour and in these endless hours of productivity devised some of the most wonderous inventions that a person could imagine (since digested by the bowels of the peste de insomnio), it did not take long before we had trouble to remember. I couldn't tell the days but soon it was this:




One of the few to resist el peste de insomnio

Grandma, the last to resist the plague's effects, with characteristic lucidity, devised this ingenious means to circumvent the inconveniences of memory-loss. But this is palliative. We all know the only cure is raw-garlacke but have been thus far simply unwilling to accept the consequences of this panacea's application.

Las Posadas


Yesterday I mentioned something about Christmas and Baruc, the 6-year old, looked surprized and shouted "Christmas is tomorrow!?"

I use this anecdote to show that Christmas isn't quite as special here as it is for us Anglo-Saxons. Last night and this morning they were still selling tacos on the street and the campesinos still went to harvest their corn. Las Posadas is what redeems Navidad for me.

Nine days before Christmas groups of dedicated Catholics walk through the streets at night accompanied by a band and carrying statues of Joseph and Mary. With song they ask for posada, a place to stay at night. The pilgrims have their verses and the innkeepers theirs, the former asking and the latter rejecting. At the designated house the last verses change and the caseros let the pilgrims in. ¡Fiesta time! Tamales and atole for everyone (chapurrado is an atole/porridge made with corn dough and chocolate, frick man it's good).

The next day the parade begins at the house it ended at and continues to another one etc. for the rest of the week until Noche Buena. On Christmas Eve the pilgrims are admitted and placed in a Nativity scene with li'l baby Cristo. ¡Más tamales!

Tomás and I only caught up with the pilgrims on the 23rd after they had already settled in for the night. Yesterday we went again and because Tomás is such a charismatic flirt the old lady who has been running the posada for 32 years asked him to carry the statues. "Que tu Güerito te ayude, también." So I found myself walking solemnly through the streets of Tepetlixpa carrying a table with statues of Joseph and Mary while 35 Mexicans surrounded us singing carols and launching firecrackers. I had written the words to the main song (see below) but I could hardly sing because I lost my voice in the bacterial beetle-battle in my throat.

Check out the drums of tamales they're cooking for the pilgrims. Those are two barrels plus a pot twice the size of the biggest one we have. All that for about 35 people.

Cantos Para Pedir Posada

Los Peregrinos…
En el nombre del cielo,
yo os pido posada,
pues no puede andar,
mi esposa amada.

Los Hosteleros…
Aquí no es mesón,
sigan adelante,
no les puedo abrir,
no vaya a ser un tunante.

Los Peregrinos…
No sean inhumanos
Dennos caridad
Que el dios de los cielos
Se lo premiará

Los Hosteleros…
Ya se pueden ir,
y no molestar
Porque si me enfado
Los voy a apalear

Los Peregrinos…
Venimos rendidos
Desde Nazaret
Yo soy carpintero
De nombre José

Los Hosteleros…
No me importa el nombre
Déjenme dormir
Pues yo ya les digo
Que no hemos de abrir

Los Peregrinos…
Posada le pido,
amado casero,
pues madre va a ser,
la reina del cielo

Los Hosteleros…
Pues si es una reina,
quien lo solicita,
¿cómo es que de noche
anda tan solita?

Los Peregrinos…
Mi esposa es María
Reina del cielo
Y madre va a ser
Del divino verbo

Los Hosteleros…
Eres tú José
Tu esposa es María
Entren peregrinos
No los conocía

Los Peregrinos…
Dios pague señores
Nuestra caridad
Y os colme el cielo
De felicidad

TODOS…
Dichosa la casa
Que abriga este día
A la virgen pura
La hermosa María.

Entren Santos Peregrinos,
Reciban este rincón,
que aunque es pobre la morada,
os la doy de corazón.

Monday, December 20, 2010

¡Viva México!


¿What percentage Mexican am I now that I have my sombrero and huaraches?

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Comparatively Meagre Post: Noticias de la Calle "O"

The air of tyranny is begining to dissapate after five days of formidable presence. These suffocating vapours rose from their source in the kitchen and, rolling over the peninsula & countertops, they flowed outwards to determinately permeate all recesses of the residence. There they persist, though now without their erstwhile meanness--the robotic ring of the magic oven marking the completion of the last batch of Christmas cookies disengendered these lurking clouds of their malice. They linger as a reminder of former times, no longer a  threat to persons of vigour.
We concluded that in such repressive environments, it is best to sublimate one's own urges into an instinct of unalloyed servitude. It is said that "Pines that bend not with the wind won't last the storm." A mighty will is a commendable quality. But to embrace subjugation oftentimes does one the best service in the end. In these cases, self-sovereignty still glitters as a shining jewel in the magnificent halls of thought, but for those of us who must dirty our hands with life in the world, it is prefereable to entertain this concept only as a diversion of fancy. We are emperors of our dreams. Otherwise, we mix, sift, & measure as bidden.

This entry shall be updated presently...